TheKool6

There’s a phrase I’ve been hearing a lot lately: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” As a wife, mother of four, business owner, and a college student on the brink of graduation—with a beautiful 7-month-old baby stuck to me like glue—I’ve come to realize just how true that statement is. Life right now is a whirlwind of feedings,diaper changes, late-night study sessions, events, older kids events and trying to remember to breathe in between. And while I love my family, my goals, and the life I’m building, there are moments when my bandwidth is maxed out. Completely. No more tabs open. System overload. And here’s the thing—that’s okay. For so long, I thought being strong meant pushing through exhaustion, saying “yes” when I wanted to say “no,” and showing up for others even when I had nothing left to give. But strength is also about recognizing when you’ve hit your limit. It’s about admitting, “I just can’t right now,” without guilt. Between caring for a baby, keeping up with my older kids, supporting my husband, and finishing my degree, some days, the most I can do is survive. And that’s enough. As women—especially as Black women—we’re often expected to be the backbone of our families and communities. We’re nurturers, problem-solvers, and the ones who hold everything together. But what happens when we need to be held? When we need to be nurtured? I’ve had to learn that setting boundaries isn’t selfish. Saying “I need a moment” isn’t neglect. And choosing rest isn’t laziness—it’s survival. •Small Acts of Self-Preservation• I’ve started implementing tiny but powerful habits to protect my energy: Saying “no” without explanation—because “I don’t have the capacity” is reason enough. (Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty) Taking 10-20 minutes alone—even if it’s just sitting in the car before walking into the house or taking an extended shower. Asking for help—(this is a big one for me) whether it’s from my hubby, a friend, or even hiring help when possible. If you’re reading this and feeling stretched thin, I want you to know: You’re not failing. You’re juggling a lot, and some days, just keeping the balls in the air is a win. So if today is one of those days where your bandwidth is at zero, give yourself permission to step back, recharge, and return when you can. Because the world needs you—but it needs you whole.

As a 41-year-old Black woman, I’ve had my fair share of encounters with grown-up mean girls, jealous women, and fake friends. These experiences have shaped me, taught me valuable lessons, and, at times, left me questioning the complexities of female relationships. Let’s talk about it. When we think of “mean girls,” our minds often drift to high school hallways, cliques, and petty drama. But the truth is, mean girls don’t disappear after graduation—they grow up. They just get older. They become coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances, and sometimes even friends and family. The tactics may evolve, but the underlying behaviors—jealousy, manipulation, and passive-aggressiveness—remain the same. As adults, mean girls often wear a mask. They’ve mastered the art of hiding. Instead of outright insults, they might backhandedly compliment you while subtly pointing out how it “wouldn’t work for them.” They might exclude you from group plans but act shocked when you mention feeling left out. Or they may smile in your face while gossiping about you behind your back. I’ve learned that grown-up mean girls thrive on comparison. They measure their worth against yours, and if you’re doing well—whether it’s in your career, relationships, or personal growth—they’ll find a way to try and dim your light. It’s not about you; it’s about their insecurities. But that doesn’t make it any less exhausting to deal with. Jealousy is a common thread in these dynamics. As a Black woman, I’ve noticed that jealousy can sometimes manifest in ways that feel racially charged. Whether it’s assumptions about my confidence being “intimidating” or comments about my hair, style, or achievements being “extra,” the undertones are hard to ignore. It’s a reminder that even in adulthood, some women still struggle to celebrate others’ successes without feeling threatened. I’ve had moments where I’ve downplayed my accomplishments to make others feel comfortable, only to realize that it’s not my responsibility to shrink myself. If someone can’t handle your shine, that’s their issue, not yours. One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is how to spot a fake friend. These are the women who are there for the good times but disappear when you need support. They’re quick to ask for favors and prayers but are slow to return them. They’ll cheer you on publicly but privately resent your progress.  Setting boundaries has been crucial for my peace of mind. I’ve had to distance myself from people who drain my energy or bring negativity into my life. It’s not always easy, especially when you’ve invested time and emotions into a relationship, but your mental health is worth it. So, how do you navigate this world of grown-up mean girls? Here’s what I’ve learned: 1. Know Your Worth: Your value isn’t determined by anyone else’s opinions or actions. Surround yourself with people who uplift and celebrate you. 2. Don’t Engage in the Drama: Mean girls feed off reactions. The less you engage, the less power they have. 3. Be Selective with Your Energy: Not everyone deserves access to your time, energy, or vulnerability. Protect your peace. 4. Celebrate Other Women: Break the cycle by being the kind of woman who supports and uplifts others. Your kindness can inspire change. 5. Forgive, But Don’t Forget: Holding onto anger only hurts you. Forgive for your own peace, but don’t forget the lessons learned.